Khushi Pediatric Therapy Centre

I see this child Aman who is 7 year old. He has been diagnosed with the label “Autism”. He can speak and talk but does not use words for communication. He can sing songs and label things when asked but does not initiate communication. He will come and sit on my lap when I am around and express his love in the deepest of ways but will never greet me or even acknowledge my presence. He may say a bye if and only if he wishes to. I find him very amusing and lovely…

So, his mom narrated this incident to me today. Aman is toilet trained and communicates when he wants to go on most occasions. Yesterday, it seems he had a stomach upset. When mom was not around, he passed potty in his pant and he was completely in it from head to toe. The bedsheets and the mosquito net was also covered with it. When mom saw all this, she was furious. She somehow controlled herself and asked her help to clean him while she started cleaning the bedroom.

I see these moments as golden moments of parenting where the child like a teacher tests our patience. Whether we fail or pass this test, it is on us – how evolved we are as a parent. But it is only these little ones who can give us these “on the brink” moments. On the brink of erupting a volcano of anger but only an evolved person can stay on this brink without erupting the anger.

She was very angry for over 2 hours and did not talk to Aman. Then, when Aman came to her, she scolded him bitterly explaining to him that the behavior is not acceptable. Aman was really sad and then slept off in the afternoon. While he was sleeping, he again passed potty in his pant and was sad because mom would get angry again. His mom woke up him and washed him and tried giving him electral. Aman kept pushing his mom away and was very angry. She tried to hug him so that he will drink but all in vain. He was extremely angry with his mom. Aman’s mom realized that he was angry. She said “I am sorry for whatever that happened in the morning. And he looked into her eyes and said: “daanta” (you scolded me). She again apologized.

After she apologized, he was back to his normal happy carefree self and complied to all that she asked him to do. He will wait as long as she asks him to without getting irritable when he is “understood” and his feelings are acknowledged.

People say kids who have a diagnosis of Autism do not communicate and feel the emotions. But this is completely wrong. In fact, they feel and understand everything.

We just have to honor their feelings…

And if you see Aman playing with his tray puzzle and walking on his toes, not acknowledging or even noticing you or your presence, not greeting you……BUT he is feeling, receiving, absorbing and understanding everything!!!

When feelings are acknowledged and appreciated, they find a way to flow. It takes a whole lot of effort to go through these “on the brink” moments and maintain your calm and still give love and understanding. That is all that the heart of children yearns for..Aman needed interaction at a real deeper level which is beyond words….. so subtle yet so profound!!!

I am so amazed every time by the group tapping sessions. This time,the session was on beliefs and tapping away limiting beliefs and being aware of the empowering ones.
The session started and each one wrote a limiting belief and while we tapped for one person, others in the group also benefitted because they had similar layers of self doubt attached to theirs. I love how the universe plans the groups for me.
The realization was that each one of us has this light which wants to shine- each one of us wants to express our truth (this may seem stupid to others but it does not matter !!!).
We all have this unending, unstoppable urge to express our core which is so unique to each one of us. Only when this is expressed, do we feel fulfilled !!
Expression of our truth the way we see it with the courage to speak it the way it seems to us is the attitude that is sought…
Else, we stay stuck in the “victim” mentality.
This may come up as a blame game.
So, I blame others that they do not understand me, but you know what the point is that we actually do not understand ourselves and stay stuck in the vicious cycle of the blame game. And when people understand us, we blame the situation or we blame our childhood or adversity or something …. the list is endless…
Then, in some of us, it comes as self- sabotage statements
I am not pretty enough
I am not fair enough
I am not smart enough
I am not tall enough
I cannot communicate as well as the other person.
The best thing and the best sight in the group tapping was to see how this flipped for all and everyone transformed from feeling a victim to feeling a peaceful warrior who was aware and ready to fight the internal battle with the self-sabotaging thoughts and embracing themselves and their truth.
I loved when one of the participants said “I am not pretty enough” and when others compliment me, I feel they are saying just to make me feel better. After the tapping, we read the same belief
“I am not pretty enough” and asked her how true that feels to her. The answer was “This sounds such a shallow statement to me”
It was a lovely session and we all came out feeling EMPOWERED…

April is #AutismAwareness month.

Would like to share some stories.

I still remember this boy Rowan who has Autism and was non-verbal. This was in 2003. I was still new to Autism and had just 3 years of experience working with them.

Rowan is a tall, 9-year-old boy with straight hair and a smiling face. He would keep rocking all the time and keep playing with his fingers and used to keep looking at them from the corner of his eyes. He used to be completely self-absorbed into his own space with these behaviors. But he was extremely calm and very very compliant. Sometimes, when things or tasks got difficult for him, he would suddenly come out of his calm demeanor and start jumping on the tips of his toes- 5-6 jumps and make some sounds to self regulate and to manage the stress that he felt from the task. Without any instruction, he would sit back and be available for the task.

When he was calm, he would even talk in words or the first sound of words else express everything by taking the person to the object or bring the object to the person. So he would get a glass if he wanted water or pull me to the door if he wanted to go home or stop the therapy session. It was always a humble request…

On one of the days, we were working on copying a pattern with blocks, which I thought Rowan would not do. It was then that his mom stepped in. She told me that Rowan understands everything – from words to sentences to feelings to emotions to hidden rules of the society, everything. I was not convinced because all that I could see all the time was Rowan constantly flickering his fingers or things(strings, cords, wires, and pens) in his hand and looking at them from the corner of his eyes. He was also sometimes playing with the spit from his mouth- taking it on his fingers and looking at the light through the fingers and moving his fingers up and down when nothing was available. I think this was just the second or the third session where I was trying to know him.

His mom understood from my body language that I was not convinced that Rowan understands anything. She was committed to proving herself because she wanted to stand up for Rowan without intimidating me. She requested permission to work with him. I had my own doubts but wanted to see the real Rowan too.

She made a design with blocks by stacking them on top of the other. I thought that that was a really difficult task and that his mom was expecting too much from him. But I wanted to wait and see what finally happens.

She was quiet, calm and relaxed and called Rowan. She explained the task to him and showed him the tower of blocks and asked him to copy. Rowan was, as usual, flickering his fingers and looking at them from the corner of his eyes. I was so sure that he was not listening.

As soon as the instructions were over, Rowan started his task of copying which was shocking for me. I thought he was not listening!!!!

Then, he made some design which was definitely not what was asked. I was sure that this is what would happen.

And then when the design was over, his mom coolly tapped on the table and very calmly pointed to her design and the design that Rowan made. She was really centered and told him to check if what he did was correct. I was not believing her because I thought she is expecting too much out of Rowan. I thought he will definitely not understand this.

But Lo and Behold!!!

Rowan broke his tower and made a complete replica of what his mom had made. I was still not convinced and thought that it was a complete fluke. And asked his mom to make another design and this time again, while I thought Rowan was not listening, and flickering and suddenly getting up, 3-4 jumps and then come back. And he made the tower that was asked.

I was in tears… because if this mother was not around, I would have definitely not pushed Rowan as much as she could push. She was very clear about what he can do, what he cannot and what she wants me to work on.

Laser-like CLARITY coupled with FAITH that her son will learn even if he has Autism and DETERMINATION to follow the program at home were her qualities which I wanted to soak in also.

I am an expert because of such mothers and such Rowan’s who have taught me to look beneath the behaviors.

Thanks for reading this and requesting you to assume intelligence when you see an individual with Autism jumping, flickering his fingers, making sounds and doing all kinds of strange things. That is their way of self-regulating and trying to fit into our complex world.

They know, understand and feel everything. It’s just that some cannot communicate the way we do teaching us that we have to learn to pick up communication from any behavior.

Every behavior is for a reason…

I feel that these kids are amazing….Saluting Rowan’s mother today and so many more who are evolving every single day!!!

Another lovely group EFT session..

I see EFT as an emotional surgery and something that is so very simple yet powerful to go deep into the layers of the self and to pull out the memories/thought patterns by the guidance of the sub-conscious mind.

What made me go in awe again was the rich wisdom that is dormant in each one of us. And how by tapping and going within helps us to retrieve the immense enriching wisdom from the cosmic internet which is within and around us.

It is like asking a fish –

Where is the water?

And it says

No where.

And then when it becomes AWARE of the vast ocean around it, it knows that water was always everywhere. The same applies to us as humans, we are all moving around in this field of matrix- the energy around us and when we become AWARE- pearls of wisdom flow like raindrops falling on the soil- not just giving a pleasant smell which feels great but also cools down the soil.

I saw a flood of messages coming from each and every participant as if they had witnessed the RAW truth within themselves.

It was really amazing…

And the best thing to see was how each one dropped the “emotional armour” which we always carry around with us…. and were their raw authentic selves brutally honest to themselves and embraced their emotions like how we nurture new borns.

Yet another thing, that still keeps me in a state of trance is how marvellous it is to witness the tears of joy, tears of realisation, tears of awareness well up into the eyes and how they help us to feel so light as if the flood water got a flow…

I love doing what I am doing….

I was always wanting to conduct a group EFT tapping class and then this time I decided to go for it. Some or the other thing kept coming in my way and I kept on postponing the thought in my mind. But this time, I did it ( plan to do this on all full moons this year) and was completely in awe…

We started the session with some parents and some friends who know me. Everything about EFT was explained and then we started tapping and noting down each person’s challenge areas or problems. Till now, everything was good and smooth and then as we started tapping, the energy of the room got heavier and heavier and stuffy and claaaaaaustrooooooophooooooobic…. There was a release of the pent up emotions and the room was full of the negative emotional outpour that our bodies were ejecting into the space around us…

We tapped and tapped and tapped… And then we also did the Tarzan tapping and then I started sensing that the energies were getting better. The room felt lighter, energized and breathing again. We went on and ended wi

th a lot of lovely massage for each other.

I was really astonished by the honest, raw but fierce and courageous confessions that each one made and how beautifully each one opened. It takes a whole lot of effort to drop the emotional armor that we wear day in and day out. Everyone was so courageous to speak their very raw feelings just because all that they wanted was a space of non-judgment. We all were in a hotspot of acceptance and non-judgment.

It was an amazing experience to feel and witness…(I can’t thank my stars enough to do what I am doing, feel really blessed to fill my days with such marvelous experiences…). It just made it so very vividly crystal clear to me that each one of us just wants to fiercely love our own self and then as this love spills from our hearts, we effortlessly pass it on to the others around us. That is the innate nature of all of us!!!

It takes a whole of courage and mindfulness to become aware that we need to give time to ourselves. Especially so because there are kids to be taken care of, household chores to be attended to, deadlines to be completed and 24 hours are not enough. We are all busy playing the blame game with our problems and forget that we need to take our power back.
I was so happy that each one who came for the group tapping at least became aware that they are powerful beyond measure and this strength grows when we allow ourselves to shine our light and to just BE…

We ended our session feeling so high on energy but still balanced and calm within.

Do you relate to these words??

My child hardly shares anything with me…
He just answers whatever that is asked and then there is a long pause…
We hardly share any experiences…as in we do not connect…our life is more about giving him what he wants during his day to day routine activities..seems transactional…dry without any emotions…
He was not like this in the past…
As time passed by, he is becoming more and more withdrawn and quiet…
I am getting to know him through social media- his Facebook posts and sometimes by checking his snapchat and WhatsApp messages…or sometimes by reading his diaries or notes…
It is very dangerous as I don’t know anything about my child…sometimes I am shocked to read what he writes about himself or rather what he feels about himself
We stay in the same house but like strangers…
I want to help my child but somehow there are so many layers between us which have increased as time has passed by…
Can you please help us?
My child needs help or maybe we as parents need help?

The above statements are very commonly shared with me during most of my consultation sessions. And these are parents of kids who do not have any diagnosis and are neurotypical kids in regular schools.

And I am getting shocked each and every day.

When I ask parents, do you spend time with your child or your teenager?
They say that there is no time as their kids are overscheduled and there is absolutely no time to talk or chat.
There are so many classes and projects and exams and submissions and the list is endless…
Besides, the parents are also busy with their own schedules and getting the time for kids is REALLY difficult.
They say that they somehow manage the daily chores on time which is also VERY stressful as on some days they have to stay back in office to complete deadlines…

When I ask them, why didn’t they take help or work on it in the past when it started happening?
They say that they never thought that this is where they will land up.

Parents usually come to me when their kid’s grades start deteriorating very gradually and then a time comes when the focus, attention, and organization skills are lost.

The prescription that I give to most parents is to give one-hour appointment to your child. A time where you do nothing -no phone or checking notification, no household task, no nothing doing but giving 100% to your child.

And then the parents say that they do so but in that one hour they do not listen to their child but
PREACH,
JUDGE,
LABEL,
SUGGEST
and
GIVE SOLUTIONS.

Teenagers who come to me tell me that
“I just want someone to listen to me. Just LISTEN and not suggest or comment or judge but my parents do not have the time.”

And then slowly and gradually these kids and teenagers stop sharing because they are sick of listening to suggestions and they have no one to listen to.

They then start looking for someone who will listen to them on their WhatsApp, snapchat or Facebook windows (for which they are blamed that the children do not listen and are only on the internet with their phones)

And when someone does LISTEN (listen to listen and not to reply) to them, they are sucked into it because they finally get someone to share things with. But they are finally kids and teenagers and need mentoring from their parents. They get abused or bullied sometimes in their attempt to find people who will listen to them as everyone in the world does not have good intentions.

So actually, the main aim is to give them a listening ear – just listening without gadgets or household chores and listening NOT TO ANSWER
but
to show that you care and love them – the way they are NOW……….
rather than the way, they will be as you expect them to be.

It is a very small little tip and requires a lot of mindfulness…. because we as parents sometimes get into the compulsive mode of instructing-
Keep your shoes in place…
Did you do your homework…
Any message from teacher…..
Anything to be taken to class tomorrow…
and that is all…..

It just ends there whereas there is so much more. And being their role models, we are moulding them like us.

I do something called “Pearl” and “Thorn” of the day. The pearls collected are the things that really made me feel great and the thorns are the things that really made me feel miserable at the end of the day. The child then does it and our role as a parent is to help them squeeze the juice out of the thorns – there is always a silver lining to everything… so there are messages and learnings that every negative situation and emotions bring into our life.

Our role as parents is to help these little ones in our life decode those messages every time they happen and see them as opportunities for growth and evolution…

So the next time, I talk to my son, I first ask myself
Do I really need to give this instruction to my child?
Do I really need to remind him what I am reminding?
Am I helping him evolve or making him dependent?
Is it really my fear and my anxiety that I am passing on him?

I actually need to relax and be mindful and my child will follow because I am the best role model…. and my child sees me and copies rather than just listen to me…

As my son grows each day, I am growing with him in my role as a parent. In the beginning, I was practicing to juggle between my work and my role as a mom. In doing so, the balance was very well achieved but somewhere something went wrong because unknowingly my motherly love got mixed with the toxic emotion of stress, this toxic emotion came in from somewhere and it just sneaked in. I really don’t remember when it came in and got mixed with the color of my love …..

Maybe sometimes, I used to over do being a mum. I used to work when my son was at school or sleeping and tax myself. I was really being very hard on myself in trying to become a good mom. I would be with him all the time but gradually there was a separation- I was physically there with him but mentally doing all the stuff that was supposed to be done while he was playing. And all this happened so slowly and suddenly that I didn’t even realise that my work was creeping in and taking space of me as a mom.

I very clearly remember a time when I used to sit with him and give him my complete attention (away from TV/mobile/ipad) only while he was studying or doing academics. I used to pin point every single mistake that he would make and completely ignore on all the wonderful work completed by him, even the stars given by teachers !!!! I used to scold him for one single crooked letter in the full page of beautifully formed alphabets. This made him really angry and he used to throw tantrums. I got even more frustrated with these new tantrums. In my perspective, he was making mistakes and writing crooked letters, and when corrected, he was throwing tantrums. I thought I was failing as a mom….

I was blessed by an opportunity where it dawned on me that I am frustrated with myself and not on my son. I started realising that I am not doing things that I used to love doing before (because I was a mom now !!!! as if its a life imprisonment…)

I changed and started doing things which I loved doing, buying things I liked, eating things I liked and pampering myself. As I felt loved and got filled with love, it became easier for me to pass that love to my son and other family members. I believe that taking care of myself is taking care of my son. I cannot have a life of deprivation and sacrifice to make others happy. Happiness begins with me. When I am full of it, I give it out. So I started giving myself a lot of “me time”.

I feel that there has to be a lot of emphasis on giving “free time” for the kids also. In this time, the child does all that he wants to do.

Also, “special time” is equally important where the parent spends time with the child engaging and commenting on what the child is doing.

I remember times when I used to quickly work on replying to emails and completing my household chores when my son was watching TV. I later realised which I do now is watch TV with him, laugh on those little jokes and ads which are important to him. All that he wants is me and my attention which I can give by showing interest in doing things that he likes to do. So now I combine “free time” with “special time” without intruding his space. And let me correct myself here, he does not need my attention- he needs my love which any child wants from his parents.

So now, once I have given myself the “me time”, giving “special time” to my child is easy. And then the special time is not just with academics, it is while playing down in the park, watching TV, cooking food, serving food, while playing games on ipad or playing board games, while just doing some silly things which don’t make sense.

Today and now, I am able to separate the toxic emotion from the pure emotion of love. I now see my son’s homework and do not pin point only to the mistakes rather very casually tell him that it is important to learn from them and not repeat them again. Secondly, the frustration of making him study is gone and my son says “lets read together”. It so happens that I am tired and he still wants to go on reading because this special time is wrapped in a blanket of “love” that he gets from me and that I get by engaging in “me” time.

Reena Singh

Earthing

My son was invited for a birthday party and after dropping him to his friends party, I and my husband had nothing to do. We decided to go to the beach and just take a walk in the sand. We walked for nearly two hours in the water and then came back home. This beach walk was done after many years.

I was feeling very light and calm and some feeling which cannot be described. There was this state of bliss and rapture. I didn’t know what was happening but told my husband that there is something good that I am feeling.

We planned to go to Juhu beach again -this time with our son. Since my son wanted to just have fun in the waves, we allowed him to just sleep in the water, jump over the waves or dig out shells from the sand. While my son was busy doing all of this, I stood with my husband in the sand enjoying the feel of my feet sinking deeper with each wave. It was a lot of fun just being there and enjoying the sunset.

It was around two hours now but my son wanted to make some sand castles. We sat there for around an hour doing something with the sand, had some yummy corn and headed home. After reaching home, I was again painted and immersed with this feeling of calm and peace. I was getting addicted to this feeling and it accelerated my work efficiency. I saw my son being more calmer and peaceful too. I was curious to understand what was the reason for this feeling.

Tried reading about earthing and then realized that I was “grounded” and “earthed” because I allowed my feet to touch the bare skin of mother earth. I know it sounds strange but we have covered mother earth with cemented roads, paver blocks, tiles and so many things. At around this same time I came across this book called Earthing-The Most important health discovery ever by Clinton Ober and Stephen Sinatra which gave me more inputs about earthing.

I realised that earthing helped my body to achieve an optimum electrical state. Our planet Gaiea is a battery which is getting constantly charged by the sun rays on the outside and the molten core from inside. A battery is needed to run every car or appliance and that same way, our human body and all living beings are getting constantly charged by the rhythmic pulsations of the earths natural energy. The rhythm of the earth keeps us in rhythm.

The sole of our feet are richly covered with 1300 nerve endings per square inch. The foot is the plug through which we get connected to the earth to get charged. It kind of extracts and sucks in the energy from mother earth.

Technically, earthing helps our bodies to maintain the natural electrical state which promotes optimum health. Maintaining contact with the ground allows body to receive the negative electrons from the surface of the earth.These negative electrons are the most powerful antioxidants known. By neutralizing the free radicals in our body, antioxidants help to ease inflammation as well as cell and tissue damage.

Just as our clocks and watches need batteries, the same way our biological clock needs to be continually calibrated by the pulse of the earth that governs the circadian rhythms of all life on earth.If you go back to the past, most of the activities we did were done in contact with the mother earth. But now in the present world, we are insulated from earth which means we are not getting charged which leads to electrical imbalance in our bodies which gives rise to ill health.

I remember my dad used to tell me to walk on the grass early in the morning, he never knew why but his ancestors told him it helped. My grand-mom used to tell me that I should try and walk barefoot on the mud, it helps!!! My grand mom always said that soil soothes, cleanses and heals.

Earthing/ grounding help us to stay healthy and fit. But how do we do this

1. Walk on the grassy or the muddy areas bare feet.
2. Expose any part of your skin to any natural water body such as a lake, pond, river or an ocean. Walking bare feet in this water body also helps.
3. Lean on to a tree

Mother earth just wants us to hug her and she is ready to bestow all her healing properties on us. Why are we disowning her and embracing ill health?

Reena Singh